Sweaty nether regions, they named it right, and dude you can't just quit!

Earlier this week a couple of good friends and I went to the local "banya", colloquially know as the Arasan Banya. One queues up and can rent slippers, towel, and wrap. My friends had come with suits and towels. I had just come from what is called the "American Corner" where I had had some fun at the medical students expense but more about that later. We entered an ornate domed building and ran the gauntlet of guys offering massages. No homo eroticism, just a guy trying to make a tenge.

The first stop was the Finnish Sauna, dry heat. We got a good sweat going and headed to the pool where we jumped into about 60 degree water. "It's good for the circulation!"said out host. "Yeah but exactly to where?", I thought as I was experiencing some acute discomfort in my nether regions. Then to the Turkish steam room.  Steam and more sweat. The Banya has two floors, one just like the next so my host took us to the least crowded one where we chatted until my "circulation" was in full on red alert mode. Again to the pool where the "guys" heaved a notable sigh.

One (willingly) holds onto the rail as he is beat with a birch branch. Note the hats and the furnace in the back.

Then to what can only be called the CIS version of Dante's inferno, the Russian (naturally) sauna. One enters after one purchases some birch branches. One passes the furnace that looks like a huge pizza oven and selects which level (heat) in the room one can tolerate. Then you have some guy who it seems stays in there for this purpose flagellate you with the birch branches. There is definitely a rhythm to this, ending with two slaps on the butt. I was amused and didn't partake as I was too busy concentrating on taking my next breath. Guys who obviously know what they are doing come in with hats covering their ears. "Wimps" think I. Then some guy walks in with a bucket of water and takes a stick with a metal cup at the end and sprays the rocks in the oven.

The effect is a little like eating a habanero pepper. First you think, "What's the big deal?" Then in about 15 seconds it becomes clear why the regulars are wearing hats; your ears feel like they are melting off your head! Ahooogah, red alert! I fled and welcomed the "douche". Then off to the restaurant for tea; a bunch of guys sitting around with trunks or towels or nothing eating and drinking, in our case tea, Then rinse and repeat ending in the Turkish bath where you lie on a heated marble slab. One of our group was scalded. I came home a touch worse for wear and slept more soundly than I have since arriving.

Yesterday I had some time on my hands so I naturally thought "Gee what sounds like fun? I know I'll take a trolley to MEGA Mall!" So off I went to see a little more of Almaty than my daily existence and "the mall" as it is referred to here, not unlike Oxmoor or Clackamas or Lloyd Center or Ala Moana. Well they named it right, its the biggest I have seen. While I'm for some reason embarrassed to admit this, I have been to Mall of America when we were at the University of Minnesota for the Big Ten Swimming Championships (so its Bethany's fault). Mega seemed bigger. And of course there was the requisite food court where one could choose between Burger King, KFC, Hardees, and the standard sandwich-Japanese-Chinese type places. Guess which was busiest. This is Kazakhstan where everyone is svelte and beautiful, just like Botswana,...

I really don't enjoy crowded places in general let alone where I can't speak the language so I went to Hardees which had no line and ordered he meal by number (whew). I was asked if I wanted to "super size it", declined, and dove into a juicy concoction with way too much barbecue sauce and mayonnaise; just how I like it.

All over the world US embassies sponsor "American Corners" in local libraries. The consulate here is particularly proud of the one in Almaty. It is literally a corner of the library where you can use computers, read the latest about the Kardashians, and peruse the New York Times. English speakers give presentations once a week to those that want to come. Mine was on first aid for cardiac arrest. I had some fun with some medical students that made the mistake of showing up.

The scenario was that someone collapsed on a bus right next to you, now what? It went from there. I moved them through the scenario and had the bus pull up to their stop then asked what they would do, get off or continue? One guy made the mistake of saying he was late and was getting off because the guy on the floor was going to die anyway. That in all probability was true but the deriding laughter from the audience gave him pause. It was a hoot.

Today I conceded that: 1) I hate ironing, 2) I have not choice but to iron, 3) So I had better get one. I had been using a petite iron (are they even called that?) and the table in the kitchen. The new one and the new board made it easy. I also learned that what I think is the "warm" setting on the washer is not, its hot. It bled the color out of my favorite shirt and now I have a bunch of pink underwear. 

I miss Lynne on so many different levels and now here's another one. Thanks for all the ironing babe.